5 min read

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When we speak of emotions and logic in grief, they may seem like opposing forces. But healing is not about choosing one over the other; it is about learning to hold both, without letting either consume you.

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ALLOW EMOTIONS TO FLOW

Having been in this landscape of grief, I’ve come to understand this clearly. Grief is, first and foremost, emotional. It is raw, unfiltered and often arrives unannounced on random days, sometimes without any trigger. It can be overwhelming. It demands to be felt, to be allowed to flow. There is no intellectual shortcut through it.

So I let myself feel.

I felt angry, helpless, guilty, regretful and even self-pitying. You may question God, life, fairness — Everything.

Emotional release is essential, its ok to let it flow in the most candid way.

I have cried helplessly. I have journaled a lot, used the rawest words. I've spoke out aloud to no one. I've even screamed alone in my car. These were breakdowns, these were releases.

These are not signs of weakness; they are signs of being human, of feeling love for the person lost, just holding that love in a different way.

And after we vent, we often feel lighter and exhausted — as if something heavy and hurting within has come out.

Emotions need an outlet.

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AVOIDING EMOTIONS PROLONGS PAIN

Suppression takes many forms — forcing logic, staying constantly busy, or distracting oneself from feeling emotions . These can be helpful tools, but not when they are used to avoid emotions altogether.

Some try to “stay strong” by numbing themselves, by intellectualizing everything, by refusing to feel.

Unexpressed grief can return as anxiety, irritability, physical fatigue or even illness.

Suppressing emotions does not make them disappear; it buries them alive only for them to resurface later,  can be heavier and more complex.

Avoidance can lead to what is known as complicated grief or prolonged emotional distress. Feelings must be experienced and expressed in order to move through them.

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WHEN GRIEF STARTS TURNING INTO DEPRESSION

It is important to let emotions flow freely , but not completely unguarded. One needs to be mindful of how deep the sadness is becoming .

Even in the midst of emotional release, there must be an awareness — a subtle watchfulness for emotions becoming too depressive, too negative. When it may feel difficult to pull ourselves back up.

There is a danger in living only in this emotional space.

This is where logic needs to step in.

One may hit rock bottom — and that is okay. But there is something even below rock bottom. I call it the 'downward spiral'; professionals call it clinical depression . I would describe it as a dark, heavy space where the mind loses perspective, hope feels invisible and even the desire to rise disappears. It feels like being trapped in a deep pit, unable to see light, pulled further down by its own weight.

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WHAT TO DO WHEN EMOTIONS FEEL UNMANAGEABLE

If you ever find yourself here, do not try to be strong alone. Ask. Beg. Scream if you must — but reach out for HELP! From a loved one, someone you trust, a professional psychologist or psychiatrist.

Because there IS an option to feel better, despite the difficult situation. With support and direction, it's possible to become less overwhelmed and regain a sense of control over your emotions .

Asking for help is not weakness, it is an act of courage.

Feeling low, depressed is normal; staying in that state for hours and days is not !

My clinical psychologist once told me "If, for three consecutive days you are unable to get out of bed and feel completely hopeless, you have to call me".

During my own grief journey, there have been times when I felt myself slipping — when sadness almost consumed me, drowned me. In those moments, I had to let my mind take charge, even when my heart resisted.

I would push myself to do something — anything — to break the pattern — a cold shower, eating or drinking something sweet, playing with my dog, opening a spiritual book , listening to a spiritual podcast. Simply getting out of bed !

These actions may seem small, even insignificant. But they are rooted in a powerful concept called behavioral activation — the idea that action can come before emotions are ready . You don’t wait to feel better to act; you act, and slowly, feeling better  follows.

This is where logic becomes a lifeline — where our intellect helps pull us back from slipping into deeper depression.

Please remember:

Staying in bed all day will deepen the sadness.

Small actions can gently shift your state.

Professional help can make the pain more manageable.

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BALANCING EMOTIONS AND LOGIC

True healing lies in balance.

It is allowing yourself to feel deeply — but not endlessly.

To cry — but not drown.

To think logically — but not suppress your emotions.

The dual process model of grief explains this beautifully. It suggests that healing happens when we gently move between two states:

Loss oriented — where we grieve, let emotions flow, feel and release the pain.

Restoration oriented — where we engage with life, take action, and begin to rebuild.

Both states are necessary. Remaining in only one creates imbalance.

Grief is not something you “get over.” It is something you learn to carry. And how you carry it depends on how you balance your heart and your mind.

There will be days when emotions take over — let them.

There will be days when logic must step in — allow it.

And then there will be days when both walk quietly beside you — and those are the days you begin to feel a little more like yourself again.