​15 min read 

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WHAT IS SPIRITUALITY ?
Spirituality is often misunderstood as being solely about God-realisation. While that is one aspect, spiritual texts are much more than that - they are essentially manuals for living.
And this raises a simple question: when do we usually read manuals? Do we wait until the final stage of life, or do we use them early on to understand how to function better and achieve the best possible results?
In the same way, spiritual teachings are not meant for retirement time. They are practical guides meant to help us navigate daily living. They were relevant thousands of years ago - and just as much now.
Spiritual wisdom helps us understand life from a larger perspective - how the universe functions, and how we are meant to respond to it.
It guides us to approach situations - and even ordinary days - in a way that reduces stress, brings clarity, and nurtures peace.
And isn’t that what we have always been searching for?
Spiritual knowledge teaches us how to remain peaceful in the present moment.

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STAGES IN GRIEF
In the journey of grief, many stages arise - denial, bargaining, anger, guilt, regret and eventually, acceptance.
But it is only one stage, the final one, that reduces  pain - acceptance.
It is reached only after fully experiencing the earlier stages.
Reaching acceptance is not always quick. It does not come from the passage of time alone.
For me, it came relatively easily - because of a deeper spiritual understanding.

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WHAT IS ACCEPTANCE
Acceptance is often misunderstood.
It is not approval.
It is not agreement.
It is not forgetting.

Until we reach acceptance, the mind keeps asking:
Why did this happen?
Why me?
Could this have been different?
Acceptance simply means: not fighting reality anymore.
It is the moment when the mind stops saying,
“This should not have happened,”
and gently allows,
“This has happened.”
That shift does not remove the pain - but it reduces the struggle against it.

Resistance is heavy.
It keeps you stuck in a loop - replaying, questioning, wishing.
Acceptance does not take away grief, but it removes the constant friction around it.
And that creates space.
Space to breathe.
Space to rest.
Space to exist without that continuous inner battle.
There is a quiet ease that comes with acceptance.
Not happiness - but a certain calmness.
A feeling that even though life is not what you wanted, you are no longer at war with it.

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WHY ACCEPTANCE FEELS SO DIFFICULT
If acceptance is so relieving, why is it so hard?
Because we carry four deep tendencies :
*We want control.
*We have expectations.
*We form deep attachments.

*We feel solely  responsible for outcomes.
These make us resist reality.
We believe life should go a certain way. (control).
We imagine a future . (expectations).

We hold on to people as our emotional anchors. (attachment).

And we blame ourselves when life unfolds differently. (doership).

(Each of these four explained below ). 
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WHAT SPIRITUALITY TEACHES US (THAT MAKES ACCEPTANCE EASIER )
Spiritual teachings, especially from the Bhagavad Gita, changed how I looked at life and control.
Earlier, I believed that if I tried hard enough, planned well enough, or loved deeply enough, I could influence everything around me. But that is not always how life unfolds. 

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These teachings gave me clarity and understanding about control, expectations, attachment, and doership. They helped me let go of many unnecessary mental and emotional burdens that I had been carrying unknowingly.

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​    ●WE CANNOT CONTROL OUTCOMES (Phal Tyāga)
This idea can feel uncomfortable at first.
We like to believe we have control - because it gives us a sense of security.
But if something is truly beyond your control, no amount of resistance can change it.

The Gita reminds us that while we have control over our actions, we do not have complete control over the results of those actions.
Because outcomes are never shaped by our efforts alone, there are multiple factors affecting the outcome that are beyond an individuals control.
So, holding on to resistance only increases suffering.
What is not in our control, fighting it will not alter it.
It will only exhaust us.
Acceptance, then, is not giving up - it is conserving energy for what is in our control.

And what is in your control :
how you respond,
how you choose to act,
the thoughts you nurture,
the words you speak,
and the intention you carry within.

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    ●EXPECTATIONS  - THE SOURCE OF SUFFERING (Karma-phal-āsha)
We all carry unspoken expectations:
This should happen.
This should not happen.
Life should go this way.
We imagine a future in a certain way.
And when life unfolds differently, we feel hurt, shaken, even betrayed.

In grief, it is not only the loss of a person — it is also the loss of the future we had imagined with them.

Spiritual wisdom brings awareness to this. It reminds us that outcomes may not always match our expectations. And when we attach our happiness to a particular outcome, we suffer deeply if life does not go that way.

With awareness, we begin to soften these demands and expectations.
We still love.
We still hope.

But somewhere, we also understand that life may not always go as planned. So we slowly stop depending on things going a certain way in order to be happy. We understand the stronger the attachment to a certain outcome, the greater the pain when it does not happen.

And that understanding reduces resistance and pain.

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    ●ATTACHMENT - WHY LOSS HURTS SO MUCH (moha)
Our deepest pain does not come from loss alone - but from attachment.
Loss is universal.
But the intensity of grief is deeply personal.
Why?
Because attachment makes us place our emotional stability in someone else.
Attachment, in itself, is natural. It is human. It is born from love.
But it is different from love.
It is clingy, dependent, and filled with expectations.
Love is free from these.

The Bhagavad Gita explains that attachment creates bondage because the mind becomes dependent on external people, situations, or outcomes for peace and happiness.
And when that person is no longer there, or life changes unexpectedly, the mind struggles because it had become emotionally dependent on them.
The deeper the dependency, the deeper the pain.

The Gita does not ask us not to love. It asks us not to lose our inner stability in what is temporary.
It asks us not to depend our happiness on what can change.

When there is love without excessive dependency and possessiveness, there is less inner collapse and suffering when life unfolds differently.

When attachment becomes absolute - when our happiness, identity, or stability depends entirely on someone - it becomes the source of suffering when that bond is broken.
Spirituality does not ask us to stop loving.
It teaches us to love…without losing ourselves in it.

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    ●YOU ARE NOT THE DOER ALONE (Karma Yoga)

The mind often believes: “If things went wrong, it must be my fault.” Or even, “If things went well, it happened because of me.”
The Gita challenges both these beliefs.
It teaches that our actions are only one part of any outcome. No result in life is created by individual effort alone. Every outcome is shaped by many factors: our actions, other people, circumstances, time, destiny and the larger intelligence.
This understanding helps dissolve both guilt and pride.
If we observe life carefully, we can already see this truth.
Sometimes life gives us more than what our actions alone could explain. We call it luck, blessings, grace or favourable circumstances.
For example: being born into a financially comfortable family, or receiving loving parent/s or siblings, or having good health at birth.
We did not “earn” these outcomes through personal effort .
This shows us that life does not function through effort alone. Many unseen factors contribute to what we receive.
And if this is true when life gives us more than expected, then it is also true when life unfolds painfully.
When we lose someone we deeply love, or when things do not happen according to our efforts, the mind tries to assumes responsibility: “Maybe I could have prevented this.” “If I did this outcome could have been different .”
But the Gita reminds us: You were never the sole doer.
Your actions mattered. Your love mattered. Your effort mattered. But the final outcome was never created by your actions alone.
This understanding softens guilt.
And at the same time, it softens excessive pride too. Because just as we are not completely responsible for painful outcomes, we are also not the sole creators of success, privilege, or favourable outcomes.
The teaching brings balance and humility.

 

BEFORE WE GO DEEPER …
If what you’ve read so far feels enough, pause here.
Even a small shift in understanding - about acceptance, control, or expectations - is already meaningful.
The next few ideas go a little deeper.
They are not always easy to understand and even harder to practice all at once.
There is no need to rush.
If you feel ready, open, and willing, you can continue reading.
If not, that is perfectly okay too.
Just reaching acceptance is already a big step.

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STAYING STEADY IN JOY AND SORROW (Samatvam)
The Gita teaches:
“Being equal in success and failure."
"Treating pleasure and pain as the same"
This does not mean you should not feel joy or sorrow.
It means not being overpowered by either.
Life will always include both - moments of happiness and moments of pain.
And neither is permanent.
In grief, it means developing a quiet inner anchor.
So that sadness does not consume you.
You begin to notice a small shift within - that even in the middle of pain, there is a part of you that remains steady.
You still feel everything, but you are no longer carried away by it.
There is space between you and your emotions.
A pause… a quiet awareness…that allows you to experience, without being overwhelmed.
That inner steadiness is what the Gita calls samatvam.

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SURRENDER - TRUSTING WHAT WE CANNOT UNDERSTAND (Samarpan)
Surrender is often confused with acceptance - but it goes a step further.
Acceptance says:
“This has happened.”
Surrender says:
“I may not understand why…but I trust there is a larger design.”
Surrender allows you to stop searching for answers and to rest - in trust.
Like when we are children -we may want a lot of candy, and our parents say no.
At that moment, we may not understand why.
We may feel upset or confused.
But somewhere, we also trust that they are doing what is right for us.
In the same way, surrender is trusting that there is a higher intelligence, a larger presence, guiding life - even when we do not understand it.
We may not understand why something was not given to us, or why something was taken away.
But surrender is the willingness to trust that there is a greater wisdom at work.
Surrender is not weakness.
It is the courage to say - “I do not have all the answers. And that is okay.”
And in that letting go, there is a lot of peace.
If you feel ready to explore this deeper, reading the Bhagavad Gita can be very helpful.
It answers many of the “why” and “how” of life.

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BECOMING THE WITNESS (Sakshi Bhav)
The Gita speaks of observing without getting entangled in it- this is Sakshi Bhav.
You begin to observe- This is a wave of sadness.This is a moment of heaviness.
Instead of being completely consumed by it and making it your identity.
Sakshi Bhav is the understanding that- everything is happening… and I am the one witnessing it.
Just being aware, letting it flow, watching it, not getting absorbed in it.
When you begin to live this way, something shifts.
Emotions still come - but they don’t overpower you the same way.
Thoughts still arise - but you don’t believe or react to each one instantly.
You create a small inner distance - not to disconnect, but to stay steady.
Because of this -
Reactions become calmer. The mind becomes quieter.
You feel less pulled in different directions.
There is less inner noise…less struggle…less exhaustion.
And slowly, a sense of peace begins to emerge- not because life has become perfect, but because you are no longer disturbed by everything that changes.

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CLOSING NOTE
This piece of writng may feel a little heavy to read. It may seem good in theory, and impractical to apply.
But from experience, I can say that when I began to live these ideas, my life became simpler… more peaceful.
A huge burden lifted - the pressure of outcomes, of wanting things to go a certain way.
It changed my perspective.
I started looking at situations from a wider lens- a more cosmic point of view.
Life still had its challenges, but it felt easier to move through them.
It gave me inner strength to better deal with outer things that are beyond my control.
Almost like an armour… a protective layer - less impacted even in the middle of a war.
It doesn’t take the storm away, but it changes how you stand within it.
The more I reflected on these ideas and tried to live them, the more centered I felt.
At first, applying this may seem difficult.
But even subconsciously agreeing with this approach, and bringing a little awareness to how you respond -in small and big situations - starts to create a shift.
Slowly, it becomes a way of life.
And with that, you begin to feel free… fearless… at peace.
And this is not just for grief or loss.
It applies to every situation in life.
That is the beauty of spirituality -it makes life here, on earth, simpler and easier to live, not just guiding us toward ultimate peace or higher realization.
Same principles relevant thousands of years ago, just as applicable today.

I am grateful to my spiritual master for introducing me to these teachings early in life.